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| There must be something more,
Do we know what were fighting for?
-Second Serenade I just dont understand why is it that everytime, every single time I have to go through this kind of emotional trauma in the midst of exams. I just dont understand why I have to get myself involved in this kind of shit(cant find a better word). God, yesterday during quiet time, you told me to do it now. You told me to do it quickly, if i dont, you said the inevitable process will begin to work and I will have to pay to the last farthing in pain, agony and distress. God you told me your laws are inevitable, there's no escape. And there'll be inevitable penalty to that escape. But God, I really dont know what you want me to do, I feel like I'm trying so hard to escape instead, i too weak, just too humanly to be who you want me to be. I feel like you're making me paying for my sins right now. I may seem alright, but God I'm not, I'm suffering, I am in pain, I feel so helpless. Are you just gonna stand there and watch me burn?  | | |
| I really could feel how Shanmin felt last year. Or maybe worse. My performance is so screwed. And I just dont get it! You told me not to put pressure on myself, you asked me to relax when I play, I tried once, twice, it didnt work.
And then I think back. Was I giving myself too much pressure? NO. Was I nervous? NO. Was I lost? NO. NONONONONO until you started to shout at me from the side, pressuring me to shoot when I obviously can't, pressurising me to pass when the space was open for me to drive in, telling me that all my run is wrong, my defence is redundant...... you might as well have just asked me to go home.
Like a robot, im at the mercy of your control, and what happened? My momentum was disrupted , my chance was gone. Yes basketball is a team sport. But look at us, do we look like a TEAM to you. NO! Everyone knows it but no one admits it. So what am i supposed to do, put up a fake front trying to act like I know where who what when to pass the ball when I apparently dont?
The frustration, the anger, the disappointment was churning inside, it was so overwhelming that it took over my mind. All the rational decisions, the confidence, the energy that I had during trgn were all lost altogether. And the next moment, after your final advice to me at the end of the day, " 好了，今天够了", I found myself on the bench, tearing uncontrollably. This you did not control. Sometimes I ask myself, am I still guided my God, or is this the way he guides; directing me towards the option of no direction? I dont know, it's hard for me to trust God at this moment when saturn is pounding his fist at me to follow him and ponning church just made things worse. The more I want my performance to peak to the level like last year's, the more I find myself dwelling in self-pity, simply at my failure. And now, I've given up aiming, because it seemed that achievement for others comes from my failure to achieve. So be it. I will not hope, will not believe that maybe, just maybe, that God will actually glue the broken pieces together. 
Game Over.
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| You don't know it, but it's affecting me alot lately. I hope you know the impact of your every action, every word.
Please don't don't don't lead me on Being in love is like running on a track, you keep going round and round but it leads you no where- Isabel. God, I know you are the one for me. 
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| Why are you always so unpredictable?
Everytime I try to take a step closer, you'll come up with something unexpected and made me at a lost It's so difficult to go nearer... 
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| I will never forget, the night we watched stars together on the hilly garden
I will never forget, our debrief sessions at the coconut shop
I will never forget, each time when Chor Hung made us laugh to tears
I will never forget, the feeling of accomplishment when we passed a station
I will never forget, our disappointment when one of our drums rolled out of our raft
I will never forget, our tents' opening ceremonys when Mel sprayed her insecticide
I will never forget, our lit up faces when Yu Le got over the Electric Fence
I will never forget, how you guys overcame your fear at OCH
I will never forget, how you perservered the caterpillar walk although your butts burned!
I will never forget, how we ran in the drizzle to complete our amazing race Every single detail, is etched in my heart.. SLC has definitely been the greatest event I've ever planned. I still remembered all the uncertainty/doubts/insecurity/anger/joy/appreciation I've felt throughout this whole 2months of planning and execution of the camp. It's a great experience, I've learned many things that I can't get out from reading a thousand books. And I really wanna thank God for holding the rain, the camp wouldn't have been so great if the past few days had been thundering. And God gave me most the game ideas from church camps, that made them so special and memorable. Credit goes to Wilfred who thought of the Pocky Stick ice breaker. Haha, those people who almost lost their first kiss, go kill Wilfred! haha                
Thank you Group10, the best take away from this camp is the memories with you You made a difference in my life... | | |
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